Friday, July 31, 2009

The Ex-$14,000 Area Rug

A long time ago in a land far, far away, the Scats had money. It was by no means what people would call "old" money and only barely what you could call "new" money.

Nevertheless, we all had beautiful and excessively decorated homes, cars that suited our whims, clothing from boutiques, a cell phone in every hand, and not a care in the world. Except one. Mimi really liked her rugs. The ones that cost more than a car that were on the floor in just about every room of the house. I picked them out myself. They were gorgeous. Especially the one for Buddy's office.

Then the beginning of the end came along. I could still hear my Great Auntie Scat saying "Now, Buddy Scat, NEVER, I mean NEVER get into business with a non-Christian man." She was a shrewd business woman and her husband had been in business for some time doing electrical engineering work on large scale projects like the Hoover Dam (...just the Hoover Dam...). And other projects requiring an electrical engineer with vision and forethought. His death came quickly. She adored him and never remarried. Interesting lady.

In any case, Buddy took her advice and did exactly the opposite (in this we are much alike). He became partners with the most NON-Christian man he knew (my opinion). J was interesting, single-minded, and sharp-as-a-tack! However, he was no God-lover. And his animosity was well known. When it came time to find other board members and investors, J picked from his own pond and picked BW. I respectfully decline to comment on my opinion of that man.

Of course, Great Auntie Scat liked this not one little bit.....and true to her word, BW played his card and thus endeth that venture. Now fast forward and imagin that you and your baby is in the room with that $14,000 rug on the floor basically as the carpet. Eek. All sentences basically ended with "and mind the rug."

"Dinner is ready...mind the rug!"
"Are you going to the store...oh, mind the rug!"

So I did ask for it to be removed before I had a coronary of my own over the silly thing. Well, it's finally happened. The rug got baptised in Desitin--you, know, that baby butt cream that helps with diaper rash. It was on the floor where I couldn't see it and, well, bingo! I stepped on it and it shot the lid off like a miniature howitzer and the stream seemed constant for several seconds.....OMG! It was beautiful!!!!!! Then I realized.

You see, in the money days of ScatCo #1, when we actually took to decorating things. the main house was remodeled from top to bottom and rugs were purchased and Buddy's office was dressed to the nines. Becky Killoran litho's, special-ordered Asian print love seat (silk) and a few oriental side chairs (more silk), a bamboo lamp, single-piece glass table on oriental arch base...and...(drumroll) underneath all this the  FOURTEEN THOUSAND DOLLAR RUG!

Fabulous office!

NOT such a good idea to put on the floor of a room shared by two little boys, 4yr and 7yr.

I protested heavily.


But, alas, when it came time to move, that room's floor wasn't "pretty." Finished, but not painted prettily to match the remainder of the house. What boy on earth under the age of 7 cares???!!!??

Tell you what, though....their mommies, sure do!

Back to the tube of Desitin. It was like the Energizer Bunny...going and going and going...just unbelievably spewing this white, stinking slime from the belly of the tube all over the rug.

When it dawned on me to get off the tube (I was way too amazed to move) it was too late. Waaaaaaaay too late.

Squib walked in and just said "Ooooooooooooohhh, Mommy" and started running away no doubt thinking that I was fixing to get one big bad spanking from Buddy and he wanted no part in that. Having had a few close encounters himself, he knew a "bad thing" when he saw it. So he tattled on me to make sure he was extra-special-super-dooper-safe.

After scooping, dissolving, wiping, wiping, wiping, more dissolving, more wiping, wiping, wiping, and then giving up, the rug now has a giant clean-looking spot and....


It is no longer in the room!!!!!

Shoulda squashed that Desitin years ago ;) I highly recommend going OUTSIDE if you're in need of some sort of therapeutic squashing or oozing exercise.

Live sane and prosper.
Don't buy anything you wouldn't mind having desitin squooshed upon,


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