Saturday, July 7, 2012

You Gotta Wonder

Squib is a funny little person. It would take me years to describe it any better than I do below. I'm pretty sure Beanstalk is just as funny. He's just quieter about it.

Scratch that. From the looks he gives Squib, I'm pretty sure Beanstalk has a little more common sense. Maybe.

Convo Number One:

Me: What's the matter?

Squib: I'm f-f-freezing.

Me: You're naked. Your hair is wet. The air conditioner is on and you're standing in front of the fan.

Squib: I know! (he grins)

Me: (pretends to poke at the thermostat and lose yearly mothering award)

Squib: Thanks!!

Convo Number Two:

Squib: Momma?

(He's given lizard-making a break and is in the bathroom.)

Me: Yes, dear?

Squib: Did you smell that fart?

(I look around. Why am I looking around and for what?)

Me: Thankfully, no. I'm not in there with you.

Squib: Not that fart. The fart that I farted when I was on my way in here. I left it right by you.

Convo Number Three:

Squib: Momma.

(This is his question/statement voice. I can't even describe it. He's about to relate something new or different. I'm replacing the serpentine belt on the Civic as this happens which means I'm up to my armpits in the world's tiniest car.)

Squib: Your phone rang.

(He has my total attention now. He's talking about my cell phone. Answering my cell phone is pretty much a no-no.)

Me: And?

Squib: I answered it.

(The only way I can see him is to put my head on the engine and turn it sideways. Either way he gets the full-on momma stare.)

Squib: What??!? I told him we don't have any money.

Convo Number Four:
Ok, this is really a proclamation from the king. Delivered wearing almost nothing except some very dashing Spiderman undies, a crown, and perched on his step stool that used to belong to attrition when he was little.

Squib: Ok, everybody! We are gonna have some pieces and quiet and we are gonna have 'em all night long!

Who am I to argue?

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