Thursday, August 27, 2009

I Have Acquired a Dog and am Missing My Green Monkey

The circumstances were entirely normal. I was towelling Squib off after his shower. There was a short scuffle. I won. He screamed.

Nevertheless, in seconds, he was ensconced in his bed. Ensconcing takes TIME. EONS of TIME. I have to kiss everything. All the cars he takes to bed, his stuffed dog Blue, and the bottom (yes, the bottom) of his sippy cup. Then there is placement. Sippy cup goes at the head of the bed and all cars are carefully, painstakingly parked beside it. The Crocs are meticulously parked at the foot of the bed. He then lays down and I pull his red blanket (with the heart pocket facing up) over him and smooth it out. Serious and extreme ritual here. We sing three or so songs--he's the judge of when I'm done and we say a prayer.

It happened in a split second. He said "Jesus loves puppies." I said "Yes, He does." (stupid stupid stupid) At that very second he became a puppy. Puppies sleep on pillows, so I believe my very own pillow has been commandeered for use in the puppy pile where my son used to sleep.

I went back in about thirty minutes ago to find that the (very bad) puppy had chewed up some of my paper work out of my file. So, rule number one should be that the puppy is no longer allowed to sleep in mommy's room and if he's still a dog tomorrow, he'll have to sleep in the living room. No second chances with my files. 'Bout killed that dog!

He hippity-hopped around and decided to switch ends of the bed and I got him a little calmed down which included allowing him to check out the space under his bed where the trundle bed (my bed) usually is. I collected the scraps and put them in their own folder to play puzzles with on my own tomorrow. He was barking and yipping when I went into my office again and Buddy swore he could shut that dog down.

More power to ya, Buddy. I suspect Benedryl and/or duct tape, but didn't stick around to watch the ensuing melee.

Hopefully, in the morning I'll have my green monkey (with feathers and a rainbow-colored bottom) back because he at least eats rather neatly at the table and doesn't yelp or screech, eat on the floor or pee on the carpet (a whole other story).

To Families Who Belong in the Zoo,


  1. I have some stuff that will calm him WAAAAYY down...