Saturday, March 9, 2013

The Toilet

For the record, I couldn't give three flying rat rears about whether or not the roll is loaded "over" or "under." I'm not even really that persnickety about seat up versus seat down. As I am outvoted on that seat up biz, I figure it's only fair for me to put it up when I'm, erm, done. Or whatever. Heck, I don't even care if no one puts a new roll on after it runs out. It's so easy to do myself and isn't icky at all.

What I have been bothered about of late is the--how to say this nicely--the type and amount of *stuff* on the toilet when I actually want to use it. Let's start with sawdust. Sawdust is probably the most humane thing to deal with on a toilet seat. Since Dad is keeping himself occupied by building storage cabinets over all the toilets in everybody's bathrooms, I really can't complain about the construction. Even after the incredible disaster that was left after tiling the bathroom and new shower enclosure/claw foot tub feat there was nothing I could do but feel grateful for the work. I'd have been in there helping except for the pneumonia...thing. So...sawdust. Somehow, even after making all the cuts outsides there is a fair amount of sawdust on every flat surface there and without my glasses on sometimes, I sit right down in it. It doesn't register on the unsanitary scale, but my lily white derriere protests profusely. So I started checking for sawdust.

Dad and Squib also use my bathroom. Often. Squib because he's seven and Dad because it's more convenient to his project and, well, he's 60-something (and will probably kill me for saying this, but this is a family history from my perspective so nyah). So there are considerable issues with aiming when the seat is down. I am only going to say this once. If I had a "device" with which to aim, then I would, by golly. It's that simple. If there's splashing, then wipe it off.  I try to check for stealth puddles, but they are, after all...stealthy. And honestly, gents, would you urinate on another person's rear end? I think not. However, that's basically what happens when the seat gets drenched and...etc. etc. bleh, bleh, bleh.

Now for the weird stuff. I haven't the first clue what the black powder is, but twice now it's been on the toilet cover and then also on the toilet seat (and the floor while I'm at it). It's not actual "black powder." I checked ;). So it's a bit of a conundrum. Pretty sure I don't want it on my bum on general principal. I'm assuming that it has to do with the construction, but as I have yet to see any black powder whatsoever in our housing projects (pun intended) thus far, I seriously doubt it has to do with the cabinet.

Spackling. Lumps of rather uncomfortable white putty. Why? Just why? Besides, the cabinets haven't had the screw holes smoothed out and no one has painted (that's my job). Why, already? Mud. And lots of it. I probably could have started a terrarium on the toilet lid. I assume this came from someone's boots as they traipsed in and out of the Hobbit Hole to work on said cabinets. Obstacles. You know how sometimes you have to get to the bathroom really quickly? Well, the Hobbit Hole has only one toilet. So, when I raced in there yesterday I found a short step stool and a ladder both blocking my way in addition to a drill and other construction tools. The weird part was I had already moved them earlier and they got moved back in even though no more work got done! To preserve my relationship with dad, I'm going with poltergeist on this one. It was like Sixth Sense. All the climbing assist devices immediately readied themselves in the blink of an eye.

And I don't even see dead people...

No comments:

Post a Comment