Sunday, September 23, 2012


The world's cutest kitten and probably what I should have named Squib.

I loved Garfield as a kid, but especially Nermal--Garfield's arch enemy somewhat--because he was just a Different drummer. That small, grey tabby who was so small and cute and KNEW IT. I had no idea of the power of the cuteness, though. It's rid.ic.u.lous.

In this scenario, Beanstalk would totally and completely be Garfield. The older, preceding, more knowledgeable cat who knows you aren't going to get by on sheer cuteness forever. The one with that look on his face. You know the one...

"You are full of s*** and I am soooo going to devote my life to mailing you to Abu Dhabi."

Why, exactly does Nermal get away with all his redonkulousness? Because he's cute and fluffy. That's why. So is Squib. I never really believed in the phenomenon before, but it's true. He'll do a naked handstand in the grocery aisle and when you catch him he'll simply furl out both of his wide, green eyes, smile that Gerber Baby smile he still has, tuck his widdle paws under his chin and blink a few times and wait expectantly for you to pat him on the head. You can fight it all you want to, but unless you are a heartless wench (myself) or a ten-yr-old who has been around the block more times than most senior citizens (Beanstalk) you are hopelessly lost and you will do it.

He will suck you in with his tractor beams of soft, kiddly, wonderfulness and you will be useless for escaping his gravitational pull ever again. A good test of exactly how far into this kid you are is your ability to tell him 'no.'

If it's just 'n..' 'nuh..' 'nuuuu..' *pant* *pant* *pant* ....well, then, it's all over with.

Baba? Gone.
Buddy? Toast.
The list haveth no end.

Don't get me wrong. Beanstalk is cute. Not fluffly, but stinking cute. He loves music. He sings. He just has more going on behind the eyes, my sarcasm, and a healthy BS detector. After all, you can really only tell a child "small pinch" so many times before he invents an entire language on his own with which to curse at you. (not kidding, we call it Klingon). But if the two of them are sitting next to each other, Squib will exclaim with clear, excited, shiny happy people joy something like: "Look! Fairies!" And Beanstalk's head will swing around to look at him with a look somewhere between shock and hilarity that clearly says: "WTH, already? Fairies?"

And theeeeeeennnnnn, Ner-er-Squib told us that our loud music was bad for our ears. That we needed to keep our volume on soft.


You can't take that back.


We are now mailing him to the South Pole.

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