Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Fits, Spells, and Episodes

Usually the problems I have to solve are relatively simple. Like how to recover an escapist slice of honeydew melon (that missed my mouth) from the bottom of my reading basket. Surprisingly slippery, that little slice of mostly water ran rampant in what amounts to a picnic basket with papers, magazines, and books in it. It was mayhem, I tell you!! Or what to do about the fact that, in most of his pictures, Squib is wearing no pants. Underwear, yes, but no pants otherwise. This can really interfere with one's Facebooking. Somewhat. They already know this is a pants optional household, so what can I say? It's not like a nudist colony. The natives are "covered" and we wear pants in public, but...ya know.

The problem with writing things--or doing them for that matter--is that they often come back to haunt you. Two years ago I wrote a post called Spells Are For Witches in which I related our familial establishment of a rule prohibiting the used of "fit, spell, or episode" to describe an abnormal and/or alarming change in physical health (this is fast becoming a verbal battle like none other). It is appropriate to say "chest pain," "nausea," "faint," or "meltdown." That clearly describes the situation so as to minimize the sheer epinephrine-pumping panic.

Annnndddd then I started having SPELLS. Shaking so hard and feeling so weak I couldn't get up right along with a lovely cold, clammy feeling. They came with confusion and amnesia. Difficulty talking clearly (really convenient in a house with a deaf person), incoordination, headache. Truth be told this is what I always feel like before having a seizure. Two things have changed. Well, three. One, I'm on enough seizure medication to stun a large cow. They swear it's impossible to actually seize, but leave it to mother nature to speak for herself still remains in the back of my mind. Two, my father started suggesting I eat something when this happens and it worked to reverse all the symptoms (as opposed to laying on the ground--where I'd end up anyway--and waiting for it to pass). Third, these "spells" have increased in frequency.

So, yesterday, I was happily mowing the backyard. It's tending toward pasture. A yard is more like a swimming pool and greenery. This is way bigger. Anyway, at some point (that I don't remember) I started having one of these "spells" and managed to drive the lawn tractor back to the shed before calling my dad to come and help me get off of it (I can't walk when these spells happen). He fed me an egg and some cheese and I needed to rest because this was a particularly severe spell (there's that nondescript word again).

Needless to say, I was at the doctor's office today (dad drove, lol). And he asked a series of questions and looked through my records and said, "That's hypoglycemia."

I suppose you could call my next series of thoughts a "fit." I'll leave it to your imagination.

We reviewed my past history with "the spells" and there were many I could describe to him in terms of "before" and "after" but not "during." So a hint of amnesia. (If I were seven, that would be sooo cool! But I'm not.) Then, of course, all that I've described thus far and a giant swan dive into the do's and don't's of hypoglycemic life. Which is, in essence, a squirrel mentality. Eat early and eat often (every 2.5-3 hrs). No sugar, caffeine, alcohol, tobacco. <---I am still chaffing at a couple of those. Keep a diary of intake and "episode frequency." And no fasting. After which he ordered a fasting blood test for Thursday, but didn't get the irony when I laughed.

So many things to giggle at...so few with a sense of humor.

After observing my crop circles in the back forty when I got home I was sold on the whole thing. I ate an egg, packed some emergency string cheese in my pocket and went out to rectify that situation. I typically don't eat a lot (I'm just rarely ever hungry), so six meals a day sounds like binging at a day-long buffet. But neither am I ready for another "spell."

Upon discussing the topic, it has been determined that the record shall be changed. Spells are no longer for witches. "Episodes" are acceptable terminology for these...spells...when referring to them in public, especially. Baba Scat can use "spells" since that fits her generation. "Fits" are reserved for spells with great emotional content. Personally, I have no knowledge of fits. It's the amnesia, you know.

Keeping Life Interesting

No comments:

Post a Comment