Saturday, August 21, 2010

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

So. Remember that welcome mat that I rather unceremoniously withdrew? This welcome mat. Right. Well, I sorta rolled it back out for this one guy. He's been rather unexpected (in a good way) and frankly one of those that's usually ummm...

**crickets chirp loudly as toe scuffs dirt and I bite bottom lip**

...taken. And usually blissfully so in a way that I look at and wonder "where exactly did I miss the boat?" Twice. Self-defeating question, I know. But it's fact that I've missed the boat. Twice. So I am a little concerned about my boat-catching skills.

Well...last night we had this a-maz-ing date during which I confessed I married a Nazi. Tragic. All true. Awesome date. That's all you're getting. We pull up to my house and I reach into the back to get my leftover food which was in a bag with his and I did blurt this out verbatim:

"Do you need your meatballs?"

Immediately, I was flooded by the horror of my verbal innuendo.

I'm not even sure the awkward pause lasted a femtosecond before the gut-splitting laughter started. Maybe. I tried to recover by saying something that I don't even hardly remember. It was probably, "I meant your food!" and thusly dug the hole deeper.

Smart, funny, talented, fabulous sense of humor (thank heavens), nice looking. And that's the list I knew about before I started really talking to him.

And I said, "Do you need your meatballs?" (Need? Really?)

**hand smacks forehead**

What exactly is my problem with the King's spoken English? Not even, "Do you want your spaghetti and meatballs?" I went right for the meatballs without even thinking. Albeit unintentional, it was funny. Hurt yourself laughing kind of funny. Fortunately, it was dark and not quite so obvious that my face was the same cherry red as my shirt.

Thankfully, I am "mesmerizing," which is good 'cause I am also a dork and even more so in his presence when that curious (but very nice) fluttery feeling takes over and I seem to turn into a levitating twitter-pated idiot whose brain-to-mouth filter on occasion seems to completely get lodged in the "off" position.

I am seriously going to have to practice my lines (sarcasm).

This great! (not sarcasm)


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